Bright Lies and Dark Shadows in Leadership

Joao

Hello and welcome back to The H2H Experiment! I’m Joao, super glad you’ve joined us for another conversation about the messy—but beautiful—side of being human at work. This time, I’m here with Eric and Ruby. How’s it going, Eric?

Eric Marquette

Hey Joao, I'm doing well, thanks. And Ruby, good to see you again. This episode’s going to dig into something a lot of us tiptoe around, aren't we? Toxic positivity and fear-based leadership—why do these patterns, you know, just keep repeating in the workplace?

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, I’m stoked for this one. Stoked but also… a bit nervous, honestly? Because honestly, we’re about to poke holes in a lot of that “good vibes only” stuff—or, on the flip side, the whole “we only win through pressure” thing. Spoiler: both are pretty rough if you ask me.

Joao

Exactly, Ruby. This isn’t about being negative for the sake of it or saying optimism is bad. It’s about what happens when workplaces confuse forced cheer—or fear—with leadership. And honestly, every one of us has probably felt the effects—maybe you felt you couldn't be honest, or you got that pit in your stomach at Monday morning standups? Yeah, you’re not alone. So let’s get into why this matters for every human experience at work.

Eric Marquette

So let's break it down. On one side, you’ve got toxic positivity—the, uh, relentless pressure to just... smile through everything. On the other hand, fear-based leadership—the dark shadow, right? Both are just, well, tools for manipulation with slightly different wrapping paper.

Ruby Sturt

For sure. I mean, have you ever been in a place where anything less than a big grin is “not being a team player”? Or if you mention a real problem, it's like—“let's not be negative, yeah?” It's classic toxic positivity. But then, fear-based leadership is like, “do it or else”—public shaming, threats. Honestly, they’re cousins. Either way, you end up feeling like you can’t say what’s real.

Joao

Right. Both of these approaches stop us from talking about what needs to be talked about. Like, if criticism isn’t welcome, how do you grow? If honesty feels dangerous, we all lose. You know, it makes me wonder—how many listeners right now are thinking about that last meeting where they held something back? Or smiled when they wanted to scream?

Joao

Alright..let’s talk toxic positivity in practice. It’s not positivity itself that’s the problem—it’s when positivity becomes, sort of, enforced. “Good vibes only!” “Don’t focus on problems!” Suddenly, we’re not allowed to say things are hard or that, yeah, we’re struggling.

Ruby Sturt

Oh, I’ve got a cracker of a story for this. My first newsroom gig—chaotic, tight deadlines, news breaking everywhere. I remember during a full-blown crisis, my boss just told everyone—especially the women—to “smile more.” As if the smile would fix the literal disaster going on. Nobody took it seriously after that. Actually, it made people trust her way less. It’s just… I dunno, it feels like you’re being told your real feelings don’t matter.

Eric Marquette

Yeah, and the science backs you up, Ruby. Psychologists say this kind of thing is basically emotional invalidation—it’s, “Don’t bring that negative energy here.” Trouble is, when you tell people to suppress what they feel, the pressure builds up elsewhere. Burnout, anxiety, that gnawing sense of disconnection. It gets hidden, but it’s still there, bubbling under the surface.

Eric Marquette

Now let´s dig deeper—there’s real research on what forced optimism does. Employees disengage because it’s clear leaders don’t really want to hear the truth. Burnout goes underground—people just fake it for as long as they can, then crash. Teams begin to distrust leaders who seem out of touch or even dishonest.

Joao

Yeah, and the numbers don’t lie. Google’s Project Aristotle studied what made teams succeed—and the biggest thing was psychological safety. Without it, teams stop innovating. Then, look at Basecamp’s attempt to suppress tough conversations under the “let’s stay positive” blanket. The result? Massive resignations and, honestly, they lost a bunch of good people.

Joao

Now, let me add a story from Brazil. A good friend of mine worked with a start-up that only celebrated wins. Every quarterly meeting, it was high-fives everywhere, but no one mentioned the problems building up underneath. Eventually, they hit a wall they couldn’t climb over. All those brushed-away issues finally caught up, and, well, by then, the talent had already left because they felt unheard. It’s a pattern I’ve seen too many times.

Ruby Sturt

So, let’s swing to the other side: the Fear Factory. This is where leadership leans on public shaming, intimidation—stuff like, “If you mess up, you’re out.” Think sales leaderboards where the bottom performers get called out, not quietly, but for the whole company to see.

Eric Marquette

Right, Ruby. Fear does get quick results, for a minute—but neuroscience tells us it narrows focus, fuels adrenaline, and switches off creativity in the brain. It’s all short-term, adrenaline-based stuff. Over time? People stop collaborating, and innovation just dies out. I mean, imagine being James at TitanCorp, fiddling sales figures just to avoid getting humiliated. Or Linda, who hoards leads so she isn’t next for the public shaming. The system basically rewards backstabbing, not actual performance.

Joao

It might look productive on the surface, but really, it’s survival mode. And survival mode isn’t where new ideas come from, right? It just breeds silence, dishonesty, and a climate where everyone’s just trying not to get burned.

Eric Marquette

Let’s dig into why leaders fall for these traps—sometimes, it’s well-intentioned. Maybe they genuinely want to keep morale up, or they’re scared that if they admit things are tough, people will panic. Other times, it’s personality or even the broader company culture—it basically becomes, “This is just how we do things.”

Eric Marquette

I’ll tell you, in media, I knew a senior exec who was the master of both. She’d shower the team with praise one moment, then ratchet up the pressure with deadlines and veiled threats the next. Meant well, I think, but the team always felt whiplashed—and a ton of turnover as a result. No one knew what was real, so trust just collapsed.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, and sometimes leaders get uncomfortable with tough feelings—they think if they allow a bit of darkness in, it’ll swallow the room. Turns out, ignoring it just makes it worse, not better. The harder you stuff down those tough conversations, the more they explode later. It’s a leadership booby trap for sure.

Joao

Cultural background plays a role, too. I’ve seen in different countries, sometimes there’s this unspoken expectation: leaders are always “up,” strong, never admit uncertainty. But it just builds a mask, not a real connection. It’s very human to want certainty, but honesty actually builds more trust in the long run.

Ruby Sturt

Here’s the thing: forced harmony, the “everyone’s good here” illusion, and silence about problems—it doesn’t just hurt morale, it leads to really bad decisions at the top. When feedback is censored or watered down with “solution-only” rules, you get a leadership bubble. No one knows what’s actually happening until it’s a full-on crisis.

Joao

Yeah, Ruby, I was reading about this museum where, for years, staff were “encouraged” to keep the peace. Any uncomfortable topic got redirected or shut down. So it bubbled and bubbled—then suddenly, boom! Social media storm, public shaming, massive unrest. Enforced silence just delayed the pain and made it so much louder in the end.

Eric Marquette

That’s the catch, isn’t it? Fake open feedback—where only “neatly packaged” concerns are allowed—lets real issues fester. People become isolated, both from each other and from leadership, and then teams stop learning, stop improving. Candour isn't just a nice-to-have—it's vital, even if it feels uncomfortable in the short term.

Joao

So what’s the alternative? You don’t want to swing between fake cheer and authoritarian pressure. The real answer is accountable, candid, and compassionate leadership. Real honesty—naming the hard stuff as well as the wins. Compassion for the person, and clear standards for the work.

Ruby Sturt

Yeah, it’s not about being a pushover or being harsh for the sake of it. It’s about inviting dissent, rewarding candour, and modeling healthy vulnerability. I have to say, just recently I worked with a podcast team where people felt totally free to disagree—loudly, even—and as weird as it felt at first, that’s when the best ideas popped up. It was messy, but it worked. That’s the sweet spot, right?

Eric Marquette

Absolutely. Leadership means creating space for tough conversations, but holding the team together at the same time. Like, “I hear you, I see the struggle, let’s tackle it together.” Model it at the top, and people will follow. Remember what we talked about in that episode on compassion—compassion is action, not just a feeling.

Joao

Alright, H2H experiment time! This week, whether you’re a leader or a teammate, we challenge you: ask, “What truth aren’t we talking about?”—even if it’s uncomfortable. If you’re a leader, invite your team’s honest answers and—crucially—listen without defending or shutting people down. And if you’re on the team, try one moment this week to choose real honesty over faking it. Might feel awkward, but that’s where real change starts.

Ruby Sturt

Here’s how you can do it: set aside the “all positive, all the time” façade, or that voice in your head telling you to hide what you’re worried about. Notice where candour could open a door—maybe it’s just saying, “Hey, this deadline is impossible,” or, “The team’s a bit burnt out.” Reward honesty when you see it, even if it hurts, and see what shifts over the week.

Joao

I’ve done this with my team, actually. First time was… super uncomfortable, but afterwards, people felt relieved and, honestly, teamwork got so much better. Just being able to name what’s real—good and bad—makes everyone stronger.

Eric Marquette

Alright, I’ll try to wrap up—though we’ve covered a bit of ground! If you take anything from today, both forced cheer and fear are traps. They crush trust and performance. Real leadership starts when you build a culture where honesty and compassion stand side by side—where people can bring the truth, and know it will be met with courage, not punishment or denial.

Ruby Sturt

Spot fake positivity and fear-based habits in your workplace—and push yourself to name them, or even just refuse to play along. Small steps add up fast. If you’re hungry to dig deeper, check out the articles we’ve shared on LinkedIn and some great conversations on YouTube.

Joao

Most of all, thanks for listening and showing up for some honest talk. Next time, we’ll be exploring even more about bringing your full self to work and what real human experience can look like. Until then—ciao, Eric, Ruby, it’s always a pleasure.

Eric Marquette

Thanks, Joao—great being here, as always. Ruby, you’re a legend.

Ruby Sturt

Cheers, Eric. Bye everyone! Stay real, and see you next time on The H2H Experiment.