Building Your Emotional Muscles

Joao

Hello, everyone, and welcome back to "The H2H Experiment"! Or hey, if this is your first time tuning in... well, good luck, because you’re stuck with just me today. That’s right, solo episode, so bear with me—it's gonna get real, and maybe a little messy.

Joao

So, today’s topic? Emotional muscles. Yeah, I know, it sounds like some new fitness trend where you have to do yoga while solving riddles about your feelings—but I promise, it’s way cooler than that.

Joao

Here’s the thing. We spend so much time on, like, the obvious skills in life, right? Math, spreadsheets, maybe even cooking—though I’m still working on that last one. But what about the invisible stuff? The stuff that makes or breaks every moment, every choice, every interaction? Enter, emotional muscles. The ones we all have... and could all maybe, uh, work on a little more—myself included, trust me.

Joao

This bonus episode is about exploring those muscles. Not the kind you flex in front of a mirror—but the ones you flex when, say, someone cuts you off in traffic and you really, really don’t wanna roll down the window and shout something... colorful. Or when your colleague sends you that email, you know the one, with that tone. Yeah, those moments.

Joao

We’re diving into how to train for those moments, how to pause, breathe, and—wait for it—respond, instead of letting your inner chaos hijack you. Emotional regulation. It’s not about pushing your feelings down or pretending you’re fine when you’re definitely not. It’s about practice. And don't worry, we’ll unpack all that step by step.

Joao

Alright, enough teasing. Let’s jump in. Emotional muscles... what do they even mean? And why are they important for the workplace and for HX?

Joao

Alright, let’s stretch those emotional muscles! To start, what exactly is emotional regulation? Now, this isn’t some fancy way of saying you’ve gotta suppress your emotions or, you know, bottle them up and hope for the best. No, no, that’s a disaster waiting to happen. Emotional regulation is really about intentionally managing what’s going on inside you—actually steering the ship instead of letting the waves just, uh, toss you around.

Joao

Now, here’s something wild. Did you know your brain is like this insane filter? Right now, your body is pulling in, I don’t know, like millions of bits of information every second—12 million, to be kinda precise. But how much of that do we actually notice? Just 16 bits. Sixteen! That’s it!

Joao

It’s like trying to understand a three-hour movie by staring at a single screenshot. It’s not much to work with, is it? And, get this, there’s an actual delay between when something happens and when we even realize it. Half a second! Yep, your unconscious mind is already reacting to stuff before your conscious brain even knows a thing happened.

Joao

So yeah, when you’re flipping out because someone startled you or, I don’t know, you find yourself snapping at someone, it’s kinda your brain’s way of saying, “Hey, I already decided how we’re gonna handle this—good luck catching up!” That space between the event and your reaction? That’s the sweet spot. That’s where, if we train ourselves, we can actually pause and make a choice instead of just reacting on autopilot.

Joao

Oh man, autopilot. Let’s talk about that. You ever notice how certain situations can, like, just instantly make you mad or anxious? Maybe it’s a tone in someone’s voice, or getting stuck in traffic—classic one for me—or even just looking at your inbox. It’s not even the situation itself that’s messing with you—it’s your brain pulling up old stories, automatically.

Joao

You see, your brain’s an efficiency machine. It’s not lazy—well, okay, it is a little—but it’s all about saving energy. Every time something happens, it does this thing where it digs into your memory, goes, “Oh yeah, this looks familiar! I know exactly how to respond!” And boom, before you even realize it, you’re back in that same emotional loop. Fear, anger, shutdown—whatever your brain’s old playbook tells it to do.

Joao

Here’s an example. Let’s say you got bitten by a dog as a kid. Now, anytime you’re around dogs—or even just hear barking—your brain takes you back to that moment. It’s trying to protect you, sure, but sometimes that autopilot protection ends up, well, holding you back. It keeps you stuck in these loops that, honestly, don’t serve you anymore.

Joao

And that’s where this idea of emotional regulation becomes so important. You’ve gotta step in, disrupt those old patterns, and say, “Hey, brain, thanks for trying to help, but I’ve got this. Let’s reframe the script here.”

Joao

Okay, now that we’ve talked about stepping in and reframing those old emotional scripts, let’s take that idea a little deeper. Ever wondered how those emotions, and even your thoughts, actually shape the way you see the world? It might sound a bit like something out of sci-fi, but trust me, it’s fascinating—and very real.

Joao

Imagine this: everything around us—your chair, the coffee mug you’re holding, the device you’re listening to me on—all of that is made up of particles. But here’s the crazy part, according to quantum physics, those particles? They behave differently depending on whether or not they’re being observed. Unobserved, they’re waves—just pure potential, infinite possibilities. But the moment they’re observed, they collapse into particles—into that one specific reality you experience.

Joao

You see where I’m going with this, right? Our consciousness, what we focus on, is literally shaping reality. It’s not just "woo-woo," this is backed by science—particles behaving differently just because they’re being watched. So, in a way, what you choose to focus on, emotionally and mentally... it matters. A lot.

Joao

Take emotions, for example. Now, in Buddhism, there’s this idea that emotions are vibrations. Like, each emotion vibrates at its own frequency. Ever notice how you can practically feel it when someone’s upset, or how the energy of a room changes when someone walks in, bursting with laughter? That’s what I mean. Emotions like joy and love sit up high on the frequency chart, while guilt or shame? Those are way down low. And whatever frequency you’re vibrating at? It ripples out—it impacts the environment around you and even the people in it.

Joao

This means your emotions aren’t just private little feelings—they’re affecting the world, shaping the way you interact with people, influencing the overall vibe of every room you step into. Think of yourself as a human tuning fork, setting the energy tone wherever you go. I mean, how cool—and kind of terrifying—is that?

Joao

And here’s where Stoic philosophy comes in. You’ve probably heard this before: focus on the things you can control. The Stoics, thinkers like Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, drilled this idea down to its essence. You can’t control traffic, you can’t control your colleague’s mood, and you definitely can’t control unexpected curveballs like surprise deadlines. But you can control how you respond. Your thoughts, your emotions, your actions—those are within your control.

Joao

And this isn’t about suppressing your feelings or pretending everything’s fine when it’s not. It’s about deciding how you wanna show up. Are you gonna let your emotions run the show, or are you gonna pause, tune into what you’re feeling, and choose to respond in a way that actually aligns with who you are—or who you wanna be?

Joao

When you start practicing this, it’s like stepping into the driver’s seat of your own life. You’re no longer just reacting to whatever random thing pops up. Instead, you’re shaping your reality—choosing how you navigate through it, one decision at a time. And yeah, it’s not easy, but like I said before—it’s a muscle. And the more you flex it, the stronger it gets.

Joao

So, with all that in mind—this idea of shaping your reality by consciously choosing your emotional responses—let’s shift gears. How do we take this concept from theory to practice? I mean, it’s one thing to understand the idea of emotional muscles, but actually flexing them? That’s where the real work begins.

Joao

One of the tools that’s been super helpful for me is what I like to call the emotional gym—and this experiment is really about building awareness and, honestly, just practicing being human in a way that actually helps you grow stronger emotionally. It’s like... your brain’s gym routine, but for emotions.

Joao

Here’s how it works. First, you pick an emotional trigger. Something that keeps popping up in your life—like, I don’t know, traffic jams, or maybe it’s that one person in your team who always manages to find a way to send an email that... hits wrong. We’ve all got one. The key is to focus on a recurring situation where your emotions tend to hijack you.

Joao

Now, the next time that trigger shows up, you pause. Yeah, literally stop yourself for five seconds. It’s not easy, I’ll admit—your brain wants to go straight to autopilot, you know, to react the way it always has. But you pause. You let that moment breathe a little.

Joao

From there, you take a deep breath. And then, pay attention to what’s happening in your body. Are you clenching your jaw? Do you feel that tight knot in your chest or maybe a buzzing in your hands? Wherever the emotion is showing up physically, just notice it. You don’t even have to do anything with it yet—just notice it. That’s part of building awareness.

Joao

And then you ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself right now?” That moment has been so powerful for me, personally. I remember this one time where I had just left a high-pressure meeting. I had said yes to something big—something that every fiber of my being was screaming “no” to. My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty... and I went straight into this spiral of frustration and, honestly, self-judgment. The story I was telling myself? That I wasn’t strong enough. That saying no would make me look weak.

Joao

But when I paused and realized the story, it kind of stopped me in my tracks. I thought, “Wait—I’m not weak. I just didn’t give myself the time to pause and really figure out what I needed in that moment.” That realization completely shifted the energy for me. I still had to deal with the decision I made, but that clarity? That was the win for me.

Joao

So, after asking yourself about the story, you choose your response. And here’s the kicker—you do it intentionally. You get to decide whether the story you’ve been telling yourself is worth holding onto—or if it’s time to rewrite it. That choice? That’s the magic moment. That’s where emotional muscles start to grow.

Joao

And look, this isn’t about being perfect. You’re gonna mess up. You’ll default to autopilot some days. But every time you pause, notice, and make that choice—you’re getting stronger. You’re not just reacting anymore; you’re leading yourself in those moments. And honestly, the ripple effect of that can be huge, not just for you, but for everyone you interact with—whether it’s at work, at home, anywhere.

Joao

So, let's start wrapping up...bringing it back to what we’ve explored in this episode—emotional regulation isn’t about being perfect or trying to bury your feelings. It’s about becoming aware, taking that pause, and making a conscious choice. It’s those moments, whether in the middle of traffic, a high-pressure meeting, or anywhere else, where you get to decide how you want to show up—not just react on autopilot. And honestly, that decision? That’s where real growth starts to happen.

Joao

We’ve covered a lot today. The brain as this incredible but kind of lazy filter, the way it keeps replaying old stories that might not serve us anymore. How autopilot reactions can hijack us—but also, how we can interrupt those loops. And, of course, that sweet spot—that space between what happens to us and how we respond. That’s where the power is, right? That’s where free will lives.

Joao

Then we went deeper. We talked about how our consciousness, our focus, can literally shape reality. How emotions aren’t just little blips that happen inside us—they’re vibrations. They ripple out. They affect the way we interact with others, the energy we bring into rooms, and, honestly, the way the world interacts with us. And here’s the thing: that ripple effect? It starts with us first.

Joao

And let’s not forget the gym! Yeah, that five-second pause can feel like a lifetime when your emotions are flaring up, but it’s in those short moments that we get to practice. Traffic jams, tense meetings, that frustrating email—it’s these small, everyday triggers that give us the chance to strengthen our emotional muscles. Like any muscle, every rep makes it stronger. And some days? Yeah, some days the bar’s gonna feel heavier than others. But you keep showing up—that’s the key.

Joao

If there’s one thing I hope you take away from today, it’s that your emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re not something to fight against. They’re information. They’re your body and brain trying to tell you something. And when you pause, when you listen instead of reacting, you’re giving yourself the space to rewrite the old stories. To grow. To show up as the person you really wanna be, not just the one your autopilot wants to default to.

Joao

So, let’s keep experimenting, yeah? Let’s stay curious. Let’s keep flexing those emotional muscles, one pause, one moment, one choice at a time.

Joao

And on that note, I just wanna say thank you. Truly. For hanging out with me today, for exploring these ideas with me. Look, navigating emotions isn’t always easy—it’s messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes even downright weird. But the fact that you’ve stuck around tells me that you’re willing to do the work, and that’s... well, that’s inspiring. Honestly.

Joao

Alright, that’s all for this special episode. Take this energy with you, and remember—be kind, be brave, and keep showing up. Every little moment matters.

Joao

Until next time, keep experimenting, keep growing, and hey—don’t forget to breathe. Take care, everyone.