Episode 11: Stories That Shape Us

Joao

Hey everyone, welcome back to The H2H Experiment! It's Joao here, and, well, today it's just me—Diana's off on one of her wild adventures, probably climbing a mountain or racing a jet ski somewhere. Of course, I am joking. We all know she's is AI. Anyway, the point is that you get my full attention! Wether you like to listen to only my voice, well, that's another topic...

Joao

I'm actually really excited about this episode because we're diving into something that, honestly, shapes everything about how we live, work, and lead—stories.

Joao

Not just the stories we tell at bedtime, but the deep narratives that run through our genes, our tribes, our workplaces. We're calling this one "Stories That Shape Us," and I promise, by the end, you'll see your own organization—and maybe even your own family—a little differently. So, let's get started!

Joao

Alright, so let's rewind the clock—way, way back. Richard Dawkins, in his book "The Selfish Gene," basically flipped the script on how we think about evolution. It's not about the survival of the fittest individual, but about genes doing whatever it takes to make copies of themselves. Sometimes that means helping your family, sometimes it means, well, not being so nice to outsiders.

Joao

And you still see this in how we act today, right? Like, I remember growing up in Brazil, my neighborhood was basically one big extended family. If you were a cousin, or even just a friend of a cousin, you were in. People would look out for you, share food, help with homework. But if you were from another street, or a different part of town, there was always this... suspicion. It's wild how those ancient instincts still echo in our modern lives.

Joao

So, why do we do this? Why are we so loyal to our "in-group" and so wary of outsiders? It's not just culture—it's literally wired into our brains. Back in the day, sticking with your tribe meant survival. Outsiders could be a threat. And even now, you see this tribal thinking pop up everywhere—sports teams, political parties, even in the office.

Joao

Like, have you ever noticed how departments in a company can act like rival tribes? Marketing versus sales, IT versus everyone else. It's the same old story, just with fancier coffee machines. And honestly, sometimes I catch myself doing it too—feeling more comfortable with "my people" and a little skeptical of the rest. It's humbling, right?

Joao

But here's where things get really interesting. About 70,000 years ago, something called the Cognitive Revolution happened. Yuval Noah Harari talks about this a lot—suddenly, humans could tell stories. Not just "there's a lion over there," but "the spirits want us to work together," or "our tribe is chosen by the gods."

Joao

These stories let us cooperate in huge groups, way beyond what any other animal could do. Myths, rituals, shared beliefs—they became the glue that held us together. And honestly, that's the foundation of every civilization, every company, every team. It's not just about rules—it's about the stories we agree to believe.

Joao

And of course, with stories came hierarchy. Suddenly, you had kings, priests, pharaohs—people at the top who claimed their power was given by the gods, or by fate, or by their bloodline. Anthropologist Arthur Keith called this the "amity–enmity complex"—basically, we bond with our group and push away outsiders. These stories made hierarchies feel natural, even inevitable. And, I mean, if you look around today, don't we still have our own versions? CEOs, directors, "rockstar" employees—sometimes it feels like we're just swapping crowns for corner offices. It's kind of funny, but also a little scary how persistent these patterns are.

Joao

You know, I saw this firsthand when I started working in Italy. The company had this super rigid hierarchy—titles everywhere, people deferring to the boss even when they had better ideas. It was like, the higher your title, the more your opinion mattered, no matter what. And honestly, it killed creativity.

Joao

People were afraid to speak up, to challenge the status quo. It was like being stuck in an ancient court, just with more PowerPoint slides. And I kept thinking, wow, this is just the old tribal system with a new paint job. But the cost? Innovation gets stifled, and people stop bringing their full selves to work. In fact, we are still working on that but we have taken some solids steps forward.

Joao

But it's not just about titles. The stories we tell about race, class, or even which school you went to—they can divide us in really painful ways. These narratives justify why some people "belong" and others don't. I mean, growing up, I heard stories about certain neighborhoods being "dangerous" or certain families being "different."

Joao

And in the workplace, you still see it—who gets invited to meetings, who gets promoted, who gets left out. These are all stories, and sometimes they're just... wrong. But because they're repeated, they start to feel true. So, what stories about "us vs. them" have you noticed in your own life? It's uncomfortable, but it's important to ask.

Joao

Here's the good news: if stories built these walls, stories can also tear them down. Leaders—whether you're a manager, a project lead, or just the person who brings people together—have the power to reshape the narrative.

Joao

I've seen startups rewrite their origin stories to focus on teamwork instead of individual genius, and suddenly, the whole culture shifts. Rituals, symbols, even the way we celebrate wins—they all matter. When you make the story about "us," about collaboration and inclusion, people start to show up differently. It's not magic, but it kind of feels like it.

Joao

So, how do you actually change these stories? First, you have to listen. What are the unofficial narratives in your team? Who gets to speak? Who feels like they belong? I like to run workshops where people share the stories they believe about leadership and success.

Joao

Sometimes, just hearing each other is enough to spark change. Then, we co-create new rituals—like rotating who leads meetings, or celebrating contributions from everyone, not just the loudest voices. And we track what changes—are people speaking up more? Do they feel safer? It's not always easy, but it's powerful. I did this with a cross-cultural team once, and the shift in energy was incredible. People started to trust each other, and ideas just flowed.

Joao

When you make storytelling intentional, you create psychological safety. People feel like they can take risks, share ideas, even fail without fear. I've seen organizations become way more resilient just by changing the stories they tell about who belongs and what matters.

Joao

So, how could your organization use storytelling to build a more inclusive culture? Maybe it's time to ask, whose stories are missing? Whose voices need to be heard? Sometimes, just opening that door changes everything.

Joao

But it's not just about the team—it's about you, too. What stories do you tell yourself as a leader? Are you the hero, the fixer, the gatekeeper? Or are you the guide, the listener, the connector? I had to rethink my own story recently. I realized I was trying to be the expert all the time, and it was actually holding my team back. When I shifted to being more of a facilitator—asking questions, inviting others in—the whole projects changed. People felt empowered, and honestly, I felt less stressed. So, maybe take a moment to reflect: what story are you living out, and is it serving your team?

Joao

If you want to really transform your team or organization, start crafting stories on purpose. Be authentic, be vulnerable—share your own struggles and learnings. Set up regular storytelling sessions where everyone can share their experiences, not just the "successes" but the challenges too. Create a toolkit—maybe some prompts, some rituals, even different ways for people to tell their stories, like art or video or whatever works.

Joao

And this week's H2H Experiment? Try an Organizational Myth Audit. Listen for three recurring leadership stories in your culture. Facilitate a workshop to rewrite one of them—maybe shift from "rank matters" to "contribution matters." Pick a ritual, like rotating who leads meetings, and track what changes over the next month. Then, debrief—what shifted, what stayed the same, what new stories are emerging? It's a simple process, but it can be transformative.

Joao

Alright, let's wrap up. Today we explored how our ancient genetic drives and the stories we inherit shape everything from family ties to office politics.

Joao

We saw how tribal instincts and old hierarchies still echo in our organizations, but also how leaders—anyone, really—can rewrite those stories to build more inclusive, resilient cultures. Remember, the stories we tell aren't set in stone. We can choose new ones, together.

Joao

And don't forget the H2H Experiment for this week: do that Organizational Myth Audit, and see what shifts in your team.

Joao

If you're as passionate about human experience as I am, check out our articles on LinkedIn and our videos on YouTube—just search for The H2H Experiment.

Joao

Thanks for listening, everyone. Keep questioning, keep experimenting, and keep telling better stories. Ciao a tutti!